What’s your Emotional Wellness IQ?  Take this short quiz and find out!

Below are 8 items that you may agree with or disagree with.  On a scale of 1 to 7, rate your level of agreement with each item, being honest and open with yourself.

7            Strongly Agree

6            Agree

5            Slightly Agree

4            Neither Agree or Disagree

3             Slightly disagree

2            Disagree

1            Strongly disagree

_____   I feel satisfied with who I am and where I am in my life

_____   I refuse to allow regrets and disappointments cloud “today”

_____   I feel a strong sense of connection with others and do not feel isolated

_____   I tend to think rationally and optimistically

_____   I do not hold onto grudges and can forgive others for not living up to my expectations

______ I feel a great sense of control over my emotions, thoughts and feelings

______ I have a healthy sense of humor and can laugh at life’s imperfections

______ I feel more gratitude on how my life is now rather than on what’s lacking                             

Total your score here:   ____________

Mental Fitness Range:

51-56            Mental Wellness is extraordinary!

46- 50             High level of Mental Wellness

40-46            Moderate level of Mental Wellness

32-39           Mental Wellness needs some boosting!

24-31            Mental Welness is posing problems for optimal health – needs work!

16-23            Needs improvement!  Actively work on improving your Mental Wellness

Below 15     Danger Zone! 

Created By Judy Belmont

In our current precarious economic climate, with high unemployment, corporate downsizing, the collapse of the housing market, the conditions of the holiday season are shaping up to be stressful indeed. Despite these times of economic uncertainty, holiday gift giving is at the forefront of people’s minds, creating a large amount of stress. In one psychological survey, 50-70 percent of people rated money and gift giving pressure high on their holiday stress list. Too many of us end the holiday season with charge cards run up along with our debt from giving gifts we can’t really afford, while we carry around extra pounds we have accumulated by excessive holiday eating. For all the hype going into the holiday season, many of us are left with a post-holiday ‘let down’.

With all these factors, even the most close-knit families are taxed, and pressure on marriages and family relationships are heightened. To add insult to injury, any hidden fault lines in family dynamics become more prominent themes during the holidays, as this stereotypic and ideal time of closeness clashes with the reality of family bickering, resentments, estrangement and loss.

The following are tips on how fill your holidays with the positive stress of anticipation, excitement and wonder, while at the same time limiting the negative stress so often associated with the pressures of our challenging times.

1. Everything in Moderation. The holidays are times of excess in many arenas. Eat and drink moderately, don’t overspend what you do not have, avoid racking up credit card debt that will take months to pay off, and do not forgo the routines that keep you sane and ‘in balance’ the rest of the year.

2. The Best Things in Life are Free – Remind yourself of this saying often throughout the holidays. It is very easy to get sucked into the mentality that bigger and more expensive is better. Focus on times with family and friends that are built around togetherness, games and fun, all which do not require spending money you might not have. Give with your heart and friendship rather than focusing on giving material possessions. Memories can not be bought, and neither can relationships. With companies cutting back, maybe your gift budget should likewise be trimmed.

3. Put Self-Care High on your Holiday Wish List – The holidays are a time when self care is the most important – Too often unwanted pounds accumulate with all the vast array of holiday foods around during the holiday season. Make sure you exercise regularly and plan time to keep yourself moving. You will also tend to eat less if you are working hard to keep yourself fit. One study has shown that almost 50 per cent of women report that they are moderately or significantly worried about their weight during the holiday season.

4. Your Family will not Likely Win the Norman Rockwell Award – Be realistic about your imperfect family relationships. Chances are, if there are rifts or longstanding issues in your family, they will not be magically solved this holiday season. Accepting the imperfections of those close to you and enjoying these imperfect relationships will help you limit undue stress during the family get-togethers. Cutting out the magical thinking makes for a much lower stress holiday.

5. Enjoy a “Good-Enough” Holiday – Spare yourself the need for things to go perfectly this holiday season. Take the pressure off of yourself! Beware of your unrealistic expectations. Strive for just a “good enough” holiday and you might be surprised at how much more enjoyable they can be without the guilt-provoking strings attached!

6. Don’t Force the Fun – With the hype of the holiday season, people feel a need to be jovial and happy, and are ashamed if they feel “down” or blue. The expectation of being in the “holiday spirit” can lead even the most
well-adjusted people to feel inadequate and even freakish if the “holiday blues” sit squarely on their shoulders. Just knowing that emotional lows as well as highs are normal can offer solace to many. This is especially true for those who have experienced loss of loved ones through estrangement, death and divorce. The holidays hit us hard when we are dealing with loss.

7. Make New Traditions – In these changing times, re-evaluate your traditions. Keep the ones that work, and work with friends and family to create new ways of celebrating that bring freshness and change to your relationships and traditions. Things don’t have to be the same thing year after year if these traditions no longer work. This holiday season can be a time of growth and change as well as a time for familiar, comforting family traditions.

8. Seek Support and Share your Feelings – Let this holiday be a time in which you strengthen your bonds by being open and honest about how you feel. You don’t have to be “tough.” Do not feel like you need to be “tough.” Ask for help if you feel like you want or need it. People who can show their vulnerabilities and have a strong sense of community and support are better equipped to handle life’s stresses. Numerous studies have correlated happiness with strong supportive social networks.

9. Manage Stress – Don’t Carry it! – Realize that stress can be positive – stress is not always bad. It can heighten your sense of involvement, bring excitement to your world, but all too often people view stress as unwelcome and negative. Stress Managers contain their stress, while Stress Carriers cope with their stress by giving it to everyone else!

10. Stress Comes from Within – not Without – Remember that stress does not come from the outside. The holidays do not make us stressed in themselves – rather it is our take on outside events and how we view what happens on the outside that causes us to be stressed. If our Norman Rockwell-like holiday fantasies and ideals clash with the reality of our own less than perfect lives, we experience a disconnect of what we think “should be.” Making peace with “what is” rather than what “should be” will help us thrive and not just survive this holiday season!

Here is a small taste to introduce you to the theory!

The Swiss Cheese Theory of Life uses Swiss Cheese as a metaphor for life itself. Life is not predictable and smooth like cream cheese. Our lives are really more like Swiss with all its distinctive holes, and without the holes, there would be no Swiss! Our lives, likewise, have inevitable “holes,” and imperfections,” yet these holes give us our unique character and depth. It’s a fact that the larger the holes of the Swiss, the sweeter and more distinctive the cheese. What an analogy to our lives! We develop resiliency by overcoming challenges and obstacles. By moving through life’s holes rather than getting stuck in them, we become stronger.

All too often in life, people dig themselves deeper in a “hole.” Old patterns are hard to break, and only by learning to think more rationally can we “think straight to feel great!” For example, the Swiss Cheese Theory teaches us that fondue can never turn back into a block of cheese! What is done is done, and all too often people keep stuck in a hole because they keep reworking, almost like hoping things will get better, but of course we can only change how the past affects us in the present! When we refuse to live in the land of the “woulda. coulda, shouldas” and “if onlys” we embrace the imperfections in our lives and we learn that mistakes, regrets and failures can be used as stepping stones towards success!

So go ahead – embrace the holes in you life, and smile and say CHEESE!

In his book Overcoming Life’s Disappointments, Harold Kushner also refers to the biblical story of the Waters of Lethe. In Biblical times, in the river in the Underworld, this was a land in the Afterlife in which you can drink the waters and forget everything. Once they drank, there were no memories to reminisce about since the good memories that far overshadowed the bad were also gone. He poses this question to his readers: “Would you really want to wipe out all your memories so you can considerably cut down on the painful memories or regrets?” Kushner’s point is that painful memories accompany pleasant ones and we need both to grow and be fully human.

This ability to use our regrets and our less than stellar memories as important building blocks for a meaningful and full life brings meaning to all our experiences in our lives, and that is what makes us who we are!

1. Clean out your Mental Cobwebs - Along with cleaning out the closets, Spring is a great time to focus on “Spring cleaning” your mind. Clean out the cobwebs of old, tired ways of thinking that lead to negative self-talk, self-doubt, and the inner critic within. It has been estimated that the average person thinks about 50,000 thoughts per day. If even 10% are negative thoughts, which is an understatement for most people, that comes to up to 5000 negative thoughts a day on average!

2. Emotionally Unpack - As you pack up your cold weather clothing, and bring in the springtime wardrobe, use this as a time to “emotionally unpack.” What old thoughts and memories keep you stuck in old ways of thinking and feeling, and take out those thoughts, memories and feelings, perhaps give them a good cleaning, and repack them in a different way. Do you just need to get them out, dust off them off as although they lay dormant, they still stick around like musty old clothes needing to get aired. As you re-evaluate your wardrobe, re-evaluate your thoughts and keep what works for you and repack old ways of thinking in a way that helps you spring into spring and not stay in the dark days of winter – in your mind.

3. Do an Inventory of your Mental Media - Examine the tapes and recordings that are constantly going through your mind. Do you keep playing tapes that are not even true? Do you have mental tapes that are negative and critical, both of yourself or others? Are there people that you can’t forgive, do you tell yourself stories about why they are bad, or do you tell stories about yourself that are not true, such as you are not thin or smart enough, or worse yet, that you one of life’s losers? Where do those tapes come from? Upgrade those old tapes to digital recordings that are present focused and show new ways of thinking!

4. Springtime can be a state of Mind all Year Long - So when you Spring Clean your Mind, realize that Spring is a state of mind any time of the year. Whether you live in Boston or L.A., the weather on the outside matters less than the season of your mind. Is it often cloudy or rainy in your head? This spring, give yourself the gift of cleaning out that bad weather between your ears. Keep in mind one of our favorite sayings, think straight-feel great!

5. Spring is a Time for Rebirth! - All around us we see change, as flowers bloom, and nature evolves. This Spring, let yourself see thewonders of creation reflected also inside of you. Use this as a time for reinventing yourself and trying new things. By committing yourself to personal renewal, you can re-evaluate what in your life no longer works for you, and how you can grow, change and transform to become the best “YOU.”

6. Spring offers You a Fresh Start – With the freshness of Spring around you, use this time of mental spring cleaning to give yourself the gift of a a “fresh start.” This spring is the most important spring of your life, as only the present gives you the opportunity to renew yourself. Build on the winters of your disappointments and regrets to breathe new life into old issues. Perhaps there are no do-overs-but there are second chances!

Ten Take Away Tips

1. Life is more like Swiss than American or Cream Cheese, no matter how much we crave predictability and smoothness.

2. People who are more flexible and resilient tend to get through the holes in life easier and are less likely to get “stuck. We might not have control over everything, but we have choices on how we handle things.

3. It’s a fact – The larger the holes, the sweeter and more distinctive the flavor of the cheese. Likewise, more “holes” in our lives can help build uniqueness and character. Take care of yourself by realizing that there is nothing positive about being negative!

4. It’s a fact – The holes in the Swiss are called “eyes.” In life, we develop insight into ourselves and others as we move through challenges. Furthermore, Swiss with no holes is called “Blind Swiss.” Living life in denial is like living with blinders on.

5. Fondue can never turn into a block of cheese – Therefore, living with regret will keep you “stuck” in a hole. Plan for the worst but expect the best.

6. Differentiate “productive regret” from “unproductive regret.” Learn from your experiences and realize what tools you might need to move on and do things differently. With the right tools you can do anything!

7. It is not what actually happens to us, it is our perception. Ralph Waldo Emerson so beautifully said that “So much of our sunlight is blocked by our standing in our own shadow.”

8. Behind some success there can be failure. Do things differently and expect different results!

9. Watch out for “stinky cheese thinking!” W.A.I.T. ! What Am I Thinking?

10. Have fun in the moment, open yourself to others and connect, and embrace stress rather than seek to avoid it! Life is not a marathon, it is a journey…Enjoy the journey!

Celebrate The Swiss Cheese Theory of Life!